A realisation of sorts

For over 12 years I thought the man I loved was pretty near perfect. Handsome, kind, sensitive, successful, loving, thoughtful, a family man, caring - all in all pretty fantastic. He made me feel special and loved without actually having to have to say anything, or tell me every day. I always felt special and loved by him. He was very special and loved in return.


Since the discovery of his betrayal with a marriage wrecking whore, I have come to see his shortcomings and failings. The shroud covering my eyes has been lifted.


Underneath all his wonderful attributes lurked a man who was insecure, needy, had low self-esteem & became deceitful. His ability to apparently slip into a meaningless affair with someone who was insecure, needy, had low self-esteem and deceitful was symbiotic, notwithstanding that he did not care for and who had an abhorrent track record of breaking marriages apart, really calls in to question his judge of character and also his morals. Something I never had considered before, nor never felt the need to question.

His extensive counselling uncovered a whole host of issues he has/had, many of which he was aware of but had buried in a deep deep place that no-one, not even himself could easily access.

In a sense, I do get some comfort that this was the man that the marriage wrecker got - she also got the monster I lived with during their affair, I know that everything was not always rosy and perfect in their garden, not least because my husband had NO respect for her, nor cared not one jot about her life outside their affair, she was a convenience when he was away from home.

I do believe I got the best of him prior to his affair and since we have made the hearfelt decision to reconcile, I know that he is returning to the man I knew and loved deeply for 12 years. My issue of course is this - I have changed since his betrayal, and now I have to deal with ME. A major concern for me is that my husband just wants everything to go back to the way it was, in his words "before I risked everything I have with you, with a no-hope marriage wrecking whore". It can never go back to the way it was before, I have changed, our marriage is changed forever. He has changed some too.

However, it can be even better than it was before....................?