A thought on life through the infidelity lens

Sometimes the blind trust I had for my husband astonishes me, knowing what I know now about him.

I was far too trusting, although one wonders why I shouldn't be with my life partner. I was way too accepting of what he said and did, driven by that blind trust. I didn't see his lies. I believed naively that he would never, could ever hurt me in this way. I never saw his faults, I never questioned his loyalty, I assumed it was a given.

But now, through the infidelity lens, I see him stripped bare. I see his flaws and weaknesses, I see him struggling to be the man he wants to be, rather than the one he is - the adulterer. I see him trying to make things right with me and I see him desperately trying to shed the pervading odour of the other woman from our lives.

Where has this clarity come from? Because I now see him from a step removed from were I used to see him. I now see him through clear lenses, without that blind trust.
More than anything I question myself. I look back on his infidelity and wonder who the hell I married. More than that I check my own judgement on a daily basis.

At the moment, reconciling my head and my heart is work in progress, although I am a long way down the track.

Seeing my husband and marriage though a different lens is very constructive and I am now starting to be able to enjoy and invest in our relationship again. He too is invested in our relationship and I am enjoying that immensely. We go places together, just the two of us, for lunch or a drink or dinner. We take walks in the evening for half an hour or so after we get home from work - quality time together, no interupptions, sharing our day. We enjoy each others company and our sex-life is very fulfilling.

What has made this possible for me? I view my life with him through the infidelity lens and never ever let blind trust run away with me.